A year ago I made this post about my then 2-year relationship. Basically I wanted more than what the person could offer. I knew I was loved, but I wanted to feel that I was, not just know.
I let go of that person then. But that was the person I really really wanted things to work out with. I wanted be content with what I had. I tried to rationalize that physical expressions of affection - hugs, cuddles, kisses, an arm on your shoulder was not as important as loyalty and KNOWING that I am loved.
But I couldn't be content. I let go. I wasn't the only one who got hurt.
Now, after a year we crossed paths again. Everything feels the same. I haven't lost any feelings I had before. Everything and everyone around me just vanishes whenever we're together. I know I've been missed as well. I know that we both want to say that things will be the same again.
Nothing has changed. That's what's holding me back. Nothing has changed. I am still loved but I want to feel it, too.
There's always this question: "would you rather be with someone you love? or with someone who loves you?" - I always answer, "with the one I love."
Then why is it so difficult now?
Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting
and autumn a mosaic of them all.
-Stanley Horowitz
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